Saturday, September 4, 2010
How to prepare for the wedding night
The wedding night is one of the most important moments of the wedding. It can be a wonderful night as it can turn into a real test. Especially for couples who are unprepared or those who succumb to the pressure of misconceptions by family or friends. Dr. Amal Chabach, sexologist Casablanca tells us more.
The wedding night is one of the very first moments of marriage. Everyone is waiting for the newlyweds and apprehended the same time. How can I make this night is going well?
- Firstly, I would say that in our culture, a woman awaits the day when she will marry and find the man of her life. But the problem is that it is often disappointed because it has too many expectations about the future husband. And the same thing for humans. Both tend to idealize the person. So inevitably, when they get together, they say "this is not what I wanted, what I expected, so this creates many problems. They must be more realistic and they say that nobody is perfect. To start a life together, we must break this idea, accept the other as it is, and especially do not try to change it because it will never happen unless the person himself is willing to do. Putting pressure, blackmail ... does not work.
To return to your question, the wedding night is associated with the idea of defilement because the girl is a virgin. So the bride and groom must communicate well with each other and decide the moment of defloration first sex ... if they will do so gradually, they must know a little more, etc.. And then we must begin by preambles, such as massages, ... because most couples come directly to the sexual act and is especially traumatic for women. We must take time to know each other and decide them both.
The wedding night can be stressful even for the man. It is a responsibility. Many men are afraid of it and do not know how to handle the situation, which can cause them problems that initiate sex wedding night.
So to strengthen the love between the couple, he takes a job because love is built. It starts well before with mutual respect, communication, accept the other as he is, respect for both families ... It is a combination of things.
- There are women who have sexual problems that occur when the first report. How to handle this situation?
- In most cases, the woman is a certificate of virginity before marriage. So if there is a problem she will know well before. But this is not serious. There are cases where the defilement itself does not cause bleeding in women. And if the penetration took place gradually, over two or three days, there will be no bleeding. Similarly, there are women who are born without a hymen. So, what is crucial is trust between the couple because virginity is not just a marriage, it is all a state of mind.
- Most girls are often afraid to face this "ordeal". This is due to what?
- This effect is due to many beliefs and stories of others that the woman can be seen or heard: women who have had huge bleeding, bleeding ... A misunderstanding of the unknown is quite normal. For this, she must speak with her husband already. The wedding night is not an event in itself, is a passage: something that is done in love and tenderness ...
- But the problem is that women often feel obliged to take account of others: family, the husband's family, neighbors, what they may say or think ...
- Others will always talk and criticize. Do not pay attention to them. The most important is what she and her husband believe. It is the mutual agreement, communication, construction of bases of the relationship ... the wedding night is just a starting point, a gateway to a lifetime.
Dr. Amal Chabach, sexologist doctor, specializing in individual therapy and couples therapy.
- How the bride must prepare itself for the night? Is it necessary to talk?
- Many people give advice that is false basis of their own beliefs or experiences. Such as to prevent the man to ejaculate inside the vagina during the first report. One can imagine already the stress of man in relation to this issue and the fear of women. Because women do not know their body and do not know what that man is doing. Any belief that says that if deflowers today that we should not redo the future. In this way the woman will heal, instead it should continue.
You should know who to ask this council. Even educational sites on the Internet there are sometimes misconceptions. So it's better than the newlyweds who pose such questions consult a professional. Because the first day there may be sexual dysfunction in men as in women. This may have because of trauma. The man also may be exposed to an erectile dysfunction because of the circle of anxiety and that can be present during all his life. While it is easier to communicate with, consult a professional if in doubt, and especially not to take this as a test.
- The wedding night is also the first sexual contact between the couple. What advice to give the couple to make a night of dreams?
- We need to discuss, talk, take it easy ... there must be a lot of preliminary and much tenderness. And then, nothing requires the couple to drink that night and to accompany the sexual act from the act of deflowering. It could be tomorrow or after two or three days. But we must not idealize the thing too, because the more we has expectations, the more you will be disappointed. Already in the Moroccan tradition, the wedding party finally too tired with all the couple's rituals that do end in the early hours of the morning.
It is important not to idealize. It's nice to join someone you love but you have to be very spontaneous, sincere, accept the other as he is, not pretend, do not lie. If the couple goes through a problem it should be put on the table and discuss without casting the blame on the other, does not compel the other to do things he dislikes.
The wife's share must be realistic. Sexuality is a responsibility to two and then the woman is responsible for his orgasm and pleasure. Man does that have to accompany him. And if the woman has no experience, that man must gradually go with it.