Tuesday, October 12, 2010
"The art of parenting is primarily a relationship, not a series of skills."
Your child will take it from a distance? His heart seems it hardened, insensitive to suffering?
Your teenager is ready to give up their interests, beliefs, values or dreams in the hope of preserving the friendship of his peers? He begins to show signs of delinquency and early sexual?
The authors of the book Find her parenting, Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate Dr., what are some symptoms of peer modeling. According to them, is all about commitment.
We are all born with a deep need for unconditional love. We all need intimacy and connection with other human beings. The primary role of parents is to give love to their child. In response to that love, the child clings to his parents, and this motivates him to please them by following their advice.
However, today more than ever, that attachment to a child's natural parents had been replaced at an early age by their attachment to friends. Why is this the case?
The reasons cited for this lack of attachment to parents are many. Here are a few:
* Parents are not aware that their role is to offer unconditional love to their children. Rather they seek to follow all sorts of methods, without understanding that the quality of the relationship that matters most;
* The family spends less time together due to busy schedules of everyone;
* There is a lack of intergenerational community life in our society;
* Children are increasingly using the media to encourage more communication with peers at the expense of communication with parents.
* The child does not cling to adults who are responsible for their care in the absence of his parents.
The important thing is not how the transfer of affection took place, the important thing is to choose rather to reclaim the heart of our children once we find that their friends have taken the place we deserve. The peer modeling can only hurt them, because their friends are unable to offer unconditional love and wisdom that we can offer them.
The authors therefore urge to reconquer the heart of our children so they can fulfill their potential.
If our children have symptoms of peer modeling, what can we do to recover?
The most important principle to follow is to decide together as parents to show unconditional love towards them, regardless of their behavior. To demonstrate such love, just follow a simple rule: make your children what you would like to do for you.
Here are some suggestions in this regard:
Often the child's heart was hardened to his parent when it acts in a manner contrary to love by withholding attention or affection, by criticizing, by lowering, not taking speech, calling him a violent way, by refusing to help when they need help or by imposing unrealistic expectations that go beyond its capabilities.
So often the first step to take is to ask forgiveness from her child for any lack of love that we are guilty. This is a guiding principle for all human relationships, including our relationship with our kids: Ask forgiveness for any offense that we made, whenever we commit one.
Get him out of his environment to spend time alone with him
It is more difficult to restore his relationship with the child if he can turn to his friends. It is therefore recommended to create environments that allow your child to spend time alone with you.
Some ideas proposed by the authors:
A trip to two
A dinner out
A family night
The practice of a sport
Learning activities (cooking, carpentry, mechanics, crafts, arts)
The important thing is to make available to the child and to show our love in different ways, but mostly by our ability to welcome as it is and seek to know it by listening carefully .
Continue to make the relationship a priority
Once the relationship is restored, we can continue to invest in the lives of our children by giving attention, affection, support and discipline they need to flourish. It is also important to never leave without adult supervision to which it is attached. It is therefore important to know about their teachers and parents of his friends, build relationships with these adults and help our children to pay attention to them.
That's just some helpful hints we find in this book.
If you're like me, you might be thinking: Easy to say! Very difficult to live!
How do then?
By reading this book, I found that the authors invite us to act towards our children in the same way God acts toward us.
Is it possible that a deep commitment to our Father's perfect will enable us to love our children unconditionally?